sleeping-awake.net

The day was September 10, 2007, and Switchfoot had come to town to play. Being a fan of the band, I of course went to the gig, along with two friends whom I’ve known since grade school. While I expected to have a good time and enjoy myself, little did I know that I would be leaving the venue a changed person.

No, I wasn’t overcome with an urge to pick up a new instrument or to start writing songs or anything. Though I must say that Switchfoot’s songs are inspiring and thought-provoking. But it wasn’t like that. You know how being exposed to loud sounds for a while leaves your ears ringing? Well that’s what happened to me after the show. And I expected it too, because I’ve been to other concerts before. But it was nothing to worry about. The ringing always went away the next day.

Except it didn’t this time. Uh-oh. I had developed tinnitus. I went to my ENT and an audio test revealed that I had already lost some of my hearing. I was told to lay off headphones and avoid loud sounds, so I had to miss a couple of other concerts that I would’ve otherwise gone to. Of course I felt bad. I even felt depressed for a while. I can’t imagine losing my hearing completely, I love love love listening to music.

Naturally I pointed the finger at the Switchfoot gig for damaging my hearing. I didn’t listen to their songs for a while because I didn’t want to be reminded of my condition. But no, after some thinking I realized that if I had anything or anyone to blame, it was myself.

For a long time, my headphones had been pretty much glued to my ears. I listened to music all the time - at home, at work, in the car, before going to bed - and I admit, sometimes I had the volume up a little too loud. It was a stupid thing to do, especially since I’d read about the damaging effects of loud music in the newspaper once. But you never really think that something can happen to you until it actually does.

Just for the record, I can still hear. I’m not deaf. Well not yet, anyway, and I’m doing what I can to prevent that from happening. I’ve been taking extra care of my ears ever since the incident - my headphones have been collecting dust, and I have a pair of earplugs that I bring along with me almost everywhere. My tinnitus isn’t so bad anymore, I just hear the ringing when it’s really quiet. I know other tinnitus sufferers have it worse. So no, I’m not sad or bitter or angry anymore. And oh, I’ve started listening to Switchfoot again. How could I not? They make awesome music. Right now I can’t stop playing Burn Out Bright and Awakening - the lyrics of these two songs really speak to me.

If anything, I should be thankful for the experience, because it taught me to not take my hearing for granted. And had this not happened, I’d probably be sporting hearing aids by the time I reach 30.

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Switchfoot Official Site
Switchfoot Official MySpace
Awakening Lyrics
Burn Out Bright Lyrics
Tinnitus Wikipedia Entry
American Tinnitus Association

I know that the Senate hearings on the ZTE deal are no laughing matter, but… Some people are just clowns.

I’ve gotten to the point where I just don’t care about certain things anymore. Which is bad, because these things should be important to me. Well, they still are, I guess, but it’s just easier not to care sometimes. But I don’t think I’ll stay this way forever. At least, I hope not.

By gosh, I grew up to be a writer after all!!

That’s right, a writer was what I wanted to be when I was younger. Either that or Nancy Drew. I wanted to write books just like the ones I’d bury my nose in 24/7, and I’ve even written some short stories. As time went by, I acquired other hobbies, so I didn’t really think about becoming a writer anymore. It was just recently that I realized I have ended up as one anyway.

Creative writing was one of my favorite classes in uni. We studied and wrote poetry - it was so kick ass. Since graduating, every single cent that I earned so far has come from writing. My interview with Cindy Frey was published in issue 11 of JPG Magazine, and right now I’m working two jobs that require me to churn out web, newsletter and blog content. Yes, it’s different from writing books, and of course I didn’t see myself being where I am now - there was no internet yet back then! But I’m still throwing words together to create something new. And the best part is, I’m enjoying what I do.

I am on the verge of hysteria.

Being stuck in traffic for over two hours - when your destination is only less than an hour away - is really enough to make you go crazy. The rain came in smaller drops now. But it hadn’t stopped since I woke up this morning. And it had poured in buckets - no, giant buckets. For some reason, the traffic jam in Manila becomes worse than it already is whenever it rains.

Almost three hours now since we left the house. The rain is getting harder again.

Drip, drip, drip. Wipe. Drip, drip, drip. Wipe.

Everybody around me seems to be late, too. But I wonder if I’m the only one who’s late at our office. That would suck. And they might not believe me if I told them why I was late.

Some streets are submerged in water now - roads have become little rivers. It’s so stupid. It happens all the time here whenever it rains.

When my dad told me that I’d probably get to work at 9:30, I dismissed him and thought that he was being silly. It’s a quarter to ten now, and it’s just plain stupid to still be out here. Out here. Out the car window, people with umbrellas. People without umbrellas. Cars swimming along slooowly. Some cars going faster, making waves in the water, waves rolling towards our direction. I can feel them under my feet as they whoosh past.

- Just my thoughts this morning. I was very, very bored, so I typed away on the tiny keypad of my cell phone. I got to work at a quarter to eleven, pissed off and feeling quite hysterical.

My inner bookworm has been revived!! I haven’t felt this strongly for reading since high school, I think. It’s a rather nice feeling.

Last week, I was looking at my old books and suddenly missed them, so I picked one up (Heaven Can’t Wait by Cherie Bennett) and started reading it. After I finished it, I moved on to Night World by L. J. Smith. It was one of my favorite series back then. It still is!

I have only two books out of nine; my friends and I bought different ones and just borrowed from and lent to each other. But since I don’t see those friends very often anymore, I decided to search me some e-books online. That was last week. And to my pleasant surprise I found them.

I’m now on the third book, Spellbinder. I’m going through one book in two days. And though I have the e-books, I feel that something is missing. It’s true what my lit professor used to say, it’s really different leafing through the pages of an actual book, feeling its texture, smelling the parchment…

So now I’m on a mission to collect the entire series… Today after work I went to a mall and browsed through two bookstores and one secondhand book shop. Not much luck - I was able to get a copy of L. J. Smith’s The Vampire Diaries Volumes I and II, but no Night World. I’m not really surprised though, the series was first published over ten years ago, and there hasn’t been any recent reprints, if I’m not mistaken. I’ve seen some Night World books for sale online, but that will be my last resort. International shipping and handling costs are a pain in the arse. For now, I’ll just paw through the local bookstores.

Hmm, relatively longer entry. I’m really reverting to my old bookworm self. And my Night World obsession is back after so many years. I’ve been thinking about the stories and the characters a lot - they give me a break from an oftentimes dull reality. So yeah, I’m determined to complete the series. Wish me luck!!